The waves of ocd
My name is Asher, and this is a window into my 12-year (and counting) struggle with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. Though over half of my 22 years of life has been colored, and in many ways discolored by this ailment, it is only recently that I have attempted to break free from it. For nearly a decade, I had battled OCD alone and in secret. When I finally surfaced from the choppy waters of OCD for long enough to catch my breath, I made a desperate plea to my loved ones for help. I couldn’t stand being swept away by the unstable tides of the disorder. I was terrified that one day high tide would overpower and overwhelm me, and I wanted so badly to stay afloat. Before being consumed by the waves of OCD, the support of my loved ones became my life-jacket and the process of therapy (CBT and ERP), in tandem with medication and exercise, acted as my life-raft. Now I am better able to confront and come to terms with the traumas and consequences of my past, and strip them of their power. I feel myself becoming mentally stronger and healthier, as I gain control over the disorder that for so many years derailed my life. Reaching out for help has proven to be a life-line for me, and I am closer to shore now than I ever thought possible.
As I continue to recover, my progress has filled me with pride and optimism for my future growth. Being in this position, I want to help support and be a resource to those who are suffering at the hands of OCD. As a young man, in a world where being open about mental health issues is stigmatized (especially for men), creating honest conversations around these topics is so important. I hope my story inspires others to contribute their voices to this conversation, and together we can take control of our mental health. The following explanation of OCD is entirely subjective; there are many types of the disorder, thus symptoms can come about in many ways and at a variety of intensities. This is strictly my own evaluation of it.
OCD is a safety-net created by YOUR BRAIN, to “protect yourself” from frightening or disturbing situations/thoughts, that YOUR BRAIN invents. The OCD brain will attempt to convince you that your actions and behaviors could cause you or someone you love to feel pain or suffer. The OCD brain will order you to engage in physical/mental compulsions and rituals (i.e. repetitive tasks or movements) to push away those harmful thoughts or prevent them from happening. The orders of the OCD brain are exhausting, disruptive to life and relationships, and damaging to well-being and success. It can often lead to anxiety, guilt, and depression.
OCD is a hereditary disorder and is typically triggered by an unfortunate or tragic event(s), a trauma(s), and/or a stress(es) that we experience. When a young person, with a family history of OCD, is faced with tremendous adversity, the brain can glitch. To protect itself from pain, it sends warning signals to our fight or flight instincts and the brain decides to fight, but mistakenly sees itself as the opponent. Over time, the harmful cycle repeats, and in a way your brain turns against you. Though this glitch sounds scary, it is something that can be fixed with proper guidance and supervision. Understanding OCD can make it easier to confront.
By sharing my experience with OCD and its challenges, I hope to encourage others of all backgrounds and identities to come forward and lend their voices as mental-wellness advocates. Our mind is our greatest blessing, but if it is treated poorly it can also be a curse. At my core, I believe the key to living a fulfilled life is a healthy mind; and I want to use this platform to help show others this truth.
Submitted by Keeping it Real Contributor Asher
